Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
