I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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