"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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