Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
