i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
