Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
