Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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