One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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