Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
