I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
