Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just had sex bonerless
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize