Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
