Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
