hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
