I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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