My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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