dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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