i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
