hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
