Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
