Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
