Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im holly from the hills drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
