If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
