i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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