this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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