he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
