i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
