I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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