2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
