is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
