So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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