she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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