That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
