I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
