Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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