Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
