My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
