you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
