can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
