i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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