i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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