Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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