I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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