I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize