textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
