i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
