all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
