i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize