Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
