no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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