I'm gonna have a badass scar
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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