I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
