in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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