It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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