i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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