i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
