make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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