Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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