What did we do last night that was yellow?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
