you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
