So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
