Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
