you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
