and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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