i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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