turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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