I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
