pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
